“Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.”
There are so many ways in which we try to change our minds or alter our beliefs. But behaving strong and being strong are two different things. Having a soft, undefended front comes from doing the work to understand what we are defending against. Over time I’ve learned that the role that the nervous system takes in pattern creation is profound.
Read MoreBoundaries are personal. We can have them for ourselves without need for agreement from another. We can take individual action to enforce or implement our boundaries. Boundaries don’t need explanations, though they can have them. As Anne Lamott says, “No. Is a complete sentence.” Boundaries are walls when safety is at stake and can be profound bridges to connection otherwise, meaning the more that you know what you want and don’t want and can communicate your boundaries in reference to that understanding, the more connected your relationships will be and the more liberated you will feel in your experience of yourself. Boundaries, when asserted and honored, allow you to feel more, experience more and explore more.
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Boundaries, defined as “lines that mark the limits of an area; dividing lines”, are a powerful resource as we nourish our ability to create healthy experiences in the world. In regards to unsafe situations, boundaries are set to clearly establish separation. If you are in an unsafe situation in any way, your “no” is a clear proclamation meant to keep you from emotional or physical harm. Accessing our power and voice in this way is paramount. However, in healthy, thriving relationships I’d like to look at boundaries through a different window. Rather than viewing boundaries as a way to disconnect or protect, I’d like to establish a premise that cultivating the art of communicating boundaries lovingly, can serve the purpose for sustainable and vital connection. In fact, as we navigate building the kinds of relationships that allow us to be more fully ourselves, we have the opportunity to utilize boundaries as a way to co-create inspiring, passionate, balanced and pleasurable experiences with our beloveds. Over the years boundary violation builds wounds in our individual lives and preserving healthy boundaries in sustainable relationship, is a great bridge to healing those past wounds.
In romantic relationship, one of the issues that can create conflict is when one partner tries to move things forward sexually and the other partner says no. A common reaction in partnership during sexual intimacy when a boundary is set is that the partner given the boundary, immediately pulls all touch away. Sometimes it isn’t easy to receive a boundary because a “no” or a “slow down” may not be said in a conscious loving way, adding to our sense that we are doing something wrong. Learning how to express our needs and desires in regards to boundaries is a balance between conscious communication and attunement. Both partners can change the quality of intimacy when they are willing to integrate these aspects of healthy connection. On another level, in my work with couples and individuals, what I hear from them is that there is a risk to saying “no” to sex or sensuality because it sometimes causes an immediate gap in closeness. Sometimes a sexual partner will override their own boundary because their desire for some form of intimacy is high enough that they don’t want to risk an upset. This can also happen in new burgeoning romantic relationships as well. The level of acceptance and touch we long for can cause us to inhibit our voices and diminish our pleasure. One of the things I do in my work as a Sex and Relationship Counselor is help clients experience connection with one another while setting or responding to a boundary. Learning to stay present to one another while honoring and voicing your boundaries and desires is paramount in heightening intimacy in relationship.
When setting boundaries in your romantic relationships, imagine the possibility of doing so to strengthen connection, both with yourself and the one with whom you are setting a boundary. This takes presence and curiosity. While letting yourself experience the emotions that may arise because you may feel you have done something wrong or your partner doesn’t want you to touch them, let it be a place where you turn your gaze more fully towards them, slowing down your touch to stillness. Return your touch to the territory you were already exploring and become curious about your partner’s desire. Attunement to your partners needs is potentially an area that growth can occur. As with any art form, there is always room to grow. Allowing and encouraging your partner to teach you how they want you to touch them, what they want to hear, how they want to be seen and what turns them on, expands the playground for pleasure. When boundaries are honored as a way to enhance connection, what follows close behind is a new realm of possibility and a deeper intimacy you can dive more playfully and passionately into within your partnership.
Have you ever taken a group photo where the photographer goes down the list of favourable prompts, “smile everyone…okay, a crazy look…now, everyone put on your sexy look”? There is a picture I will spare you from seeing because my devastating attempt to “look sexy” is alarming. Luckily I wasn’t alone. One of my best friends had a similar take on sexy. In a few words, it was potentially the way we bent over as if picking up a heavy bag of cow manure or the look on our faces that was somewhere between pained and as if we had just eaten something really bad. We gave sexy a confusing hilarity.
Years later it is my pleasure to say that I have a new view of what sexy is. As a Counselor working with individuals and couples over the last two years, I have been moved by the way in which deconstructing our approach to doing life “the right way”, allows us to live life more authentically connected. I have learned similarly that trying to look sexy is the last thing that is sexy. Sexy is being your true self. Sexy is unapologetically inhabiting your body in a way that permeates the room with a “Yes!". For some of us, this takes some intentional work. We have been trained that we are not enough as we are. We suffer through comparison. We look for connection in relationships without knowing fully how to be generously compassionate with ourselves. We believe the countless messages that we have heard from the time we were born about what it means to be a man or to be a woman and ultimately we can end up feeling isolated as a result.
So here’s my plan to storm the world in a way that can literally change our experience of life. I’ve added a modality to my tool-box called the Somatica Method. As a certified Sex and Relationship Coach I’m excited to share with you not only the way in which Somatica has changed my approach to inhabiting this one beautiful body, but also to the vast possibilities we can experience in the realm of intimacy. On Friday, January 6th at 6 o’clock in the evening, come find out what Somatica has to offer you. Come if you are single or come with your partner. My approach as a Counselor and Sex and Relationship Coach is one that encourages making great relationships even better. I don’t believe that you have to have a problem to explore this realm. Imagine being supported in experiencing the kind of vitality, playfulness and connection you believe is possible. Sometimes we hit road blocks as well. If you’re moving through difficult territory that you need some support in traversing, now is the time and I’m up for moving through that with you as well. So come find out how I work. The evening is a free event. It will be fun, it will be experiential and it will be a great way to spend a Friday night with some really exceptional people. Come also to find out about the two workshop opportunities that will begin in January.
For Women:
Or if you’re partnered, build community to support your profound relationship:
Click on headings for all of the details about both workshops.
Private message me through Facebook or email at jmedoubleu@gmail.com so that I can give you the location of the event. I am also available if you have questions about the free event on the 6th or you’d like to privately discuss what the workshops entail at (530)559-2944.
Or RSVP below for the free intro event below to find out more details about all of the exciting opportunities.
We spend enlivening hours dreaming up mission statements for the organizations and communities that excite us, imagine the possibility of creating the kind of romantic relationship that not only was filled with play and passion, but also was profoundly impactful in the world. Build community over four months with four other couples who want to clarify, nourish, revive and renew their relationships with the intention to build love, passion, understanding and support around having inspiring partnerships.
You can either bring together couples with whom you have already created sustaining relationships, or you can be placed with other couples that you will grow to know over the two-and-a-half-month journey.
I am playful, direct, compassionate and extremely excited to help you find ways to create a passionate and vital relationship. My approach as a Counselor and Sex and Relationship Coach is a commitment to following the path of deepest curiosity as your ally in the realm of profound connection and intimacy. While sessions may be focused around talk, they also encompass practices that enhance connection with the body (fully clothed); relaxation through breath, identifying sensations in the body by exploring the emotions we may be resisting and many other experiential practices that allow the collaboration to move towards re-aligning with our enlivened selves.
Though I have studied a substantial amount of research developed over years by well renowned Counselors, Therapists and Psychologists, I am most excited by the way in which healing occurs in surprising ways; acceptance, forgiveness, love, grieving, laughter, desire and so many other aspects of the human experience, that when given authentic presence, can move mountains in us.
Time Commitment: Four ninety minute private sessions as a couple, four two hour group sessions, and weekly guided prompts and a partnered support created to help you with your intention over a period of three months.
Group Meetings on Calendared Mondays from seven o'clock to nine o'clock: Follow the link to the Couples Series to find out the next offering for this series.
• four 90 minutes private couples counseling session with Jaime
• four 2 hour group gathering for couples gathering, facilitated by Jaime
• weekly prompts through email
Each week during the four month journey, you will be given guided prompts to heighten your connection both to yourself in the world and your partner. You will be paired with one other person in the group to support you as you move more deeply through the process.
Cost: $660 per couple for the 2 month series
Location for Couples Session:
970 East Main Street, Grass Valley Suite 104
Location for Couples Group Gathering:
To be announced; facilitated by Jaime
You can register by pushing the RSVP button. For more information call Jaime at (530) 559-2944 or email her at jmedoubleu@gmail.com
Contact Jaime Williams through email at jmedoubleu@gmail.com or by phone at (530) 559-2944 to collaborate on how to make this series the best possible fit for you and your partner.
Already have an appointment? Save time and fill out a Client Agreement form to send through desireintimacylove@gmail.com or bring with you to your appointment.
Click the button below to download the form.
Jaime Williams | Certified Sex & Relationship Coach, Bodytalk practitioner and massage therapist .
Check out the specials I'm currently offering.
Book your appointment online or by phone: 530-559-2944 or email directly at DesireIntimacyLove@gmail.com
Photo credit: Kalyja Rain Photography, Cole Hatcher Photography and Unsplash
Video credit: Wrenna Young
Sex and Relationship Coaching is not psychotherapy. I am not a physician, psychiatrist, psychologist, licensed social worker or licensed marriage and family therapist, and I do not offer therapy, psychotherapy or medical advice.
